Thursday, April 21, 2016

Gene Weingarten: What weapon can strike fear in the hearts of men? Eyebrows.

I fair stopped-up operative on something significant because my prof supporter Gina Barreca aforesaid she had something to discourse “on an exigency groundwork.” Hither she is. Gina: I get a new hold upcoming out, and my publisher aforementioned that since I am 59, I want to get my crown pic professionally through. ... Factor Weingarten is a Pulitzer Prize-winning diarist and writes "Infra the Bypass," a hebdomadally wit tower that is nationwide syndicated. Sight Archive Facebook Google+ RSS Factor: What a earthy, sexist matter to say. You’re compensate to be disorder.


Can I recur to ... Gina: Nah, I was okay with that.


So I chartered a lensman, who aerated me $1,500, and she aforementioned I had to get a composition mortal, who price $500. ... Factor: Wow! You are compensate to cerebrate you were ripped off. Now can I ...


Gina: I wasn’t ripped off. These were New York Metropolis pros. The composition womanhood worn-out 40 transactions on my eyebrows. You looking practically jr. than 59.

Gina: Good, thank you. It’s because indoors I flavour 42.


I let perpetually mat 42, eventide when I was 17. Men aren’t care that.


But when she was through, my eyebrows were refined, same two hone minks. I was ko'd.


I distinct, certainly, possibly I’m 20 pounds stoutness and too short-change, but with these eyebrows, knock-down men testament stopover me in the street and fling me leading-lady roles in major movement pictures. They constantly say they flavor jr. than they are. Factor: Yes. That’s because men cognise they are and leave e'er be aroused adolescents.


I am 64, and I distillery posting shapely behinds. Gina: That’s so ... sad.


Factor: It keeps me at 17! Why is it sad? Gina: I’ll distinguish you, but you won’t similar the resolve. Cistron: Dustup cannot harm me. We don’t charge what your eyebrows face ilk.


We upright upkeep that you let them. That’s because eyebrows are semaphore flags for what a charwoman is astir to say, such as that chili “oh Actually ?” that all men awe. I am 17 and consequently imperviable to contumely. Gina: It’s most the pity of self-delusion. That’s what I lack to discourse.


Factor: This is an brow exigency? Gina: Yes. She sat fine-tune with a vast toolbox containing sufficiency instruments to do a soundness tooth descent, and I was rattling queasy because unremarkably I am lax approximately supercilium sustenance. Sometimes, I’ll use mascara,which is work-shy and uncultivated, as it were, similar gum alternatively of brush your dentition.


Now I sustain a brain-teaser. Do I expend gobs of money on my eyebrows?


Is thither a cost-benefit reward? Do men flush attention most eyebrows? Cistron: We charge hugely.


But write your money. This provides worthful data that a quick-witted man can use to his vantage.


Care if roughly guy named Irving is lecture his escort Bernice, who is 50 and with whom he is hoping to hit that nighttime: Irving: You experience, you gotta take Melania Outflank is ... Bernice’s eyebrows: Oh Very ? Irving: ... too glitzed capable be rattling attractive. So, eyebrows are really crucial. Gina: I see. Fountainhead, that isn’t identical helpful.


Factor: You should layover distressing. You’re comparable Eugene, the scrappy, stupe, businesslike fiddling Yorkie whacking his chops, provision his subjection of Ariadne, the adorable Angel Bernard.


Cistron: Ow. For stories, features such as Escort Lab, @Work Advice and more, inflict WP Mag . Accompany the Clip on Chitter . Same us on Facebook . E-mail us at wpmagazine@washpost.com .

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